The Cardinal Be Damned

Here’s to Cactus Jack boys
the dirty son of a bitch
I hope he dies of clap and syph combined with
seven year itch
and when he’s old and feeble
a syphillitic wreck
may his spine fall through his asshole and
break his fuckin’ neck

CHORUS
The Cardinal be damned boys the
Cardinal be damned
The Cardinal be damned boys the
Cardinal be damned
If any Stanfurd son of a bitch
Don’t like the blue and gold
He can pucker up his rosy lips
And kiss the Bear’s asshole

Here’s to Tyrone Willingham
the dirty son of a bitch
I hope he dies of syphilis
combined with seven year itch
If you take his prick as radius
and project his balls in space
you can prove by laws of limits
that his asshole is his face (chorus)

Come California coeds and
Listen well to me
Don’t ever let a Stanfurd man an inch above
Your knee
He’ll take you down to Menlo
And fill you with gin fizz
And once the night is over
Your maidenhood is his
(chorus)

If ever we find a Stanfurd man
Within our sacred walls
We’ll take him down to Sather Gate
And amputate his balls
And if that doesn’t fix him
I’ll tell you what we’ll do
We’ll stuff his ass with broken glass
And seal it up with glue
(chorus)

Harvard’s run by Princeton
And Princeton’s run by Yale
Yale is run by Vassar
And Vassar’s run by tail
From what we hear of Stanfurd
They run it off by hand
Oh the masturbating bastards
Are the assholes of the land
(chorus)

Twas a warm November 20th in 1982
The Stanfurd band was on the field
they thought the Bear was through
But the clock read just four seconds
but we kept the ball alive
And said “eat shit you Stanfurdites it’s twenty-twenty five”
(chorus)

The Stanfurd Hoover Tower is the
biggest prick of all
But like the fuckin’ Stanfurdites the
tower’s got no balls
The farm boys are assholes who think
that they’ve got class
But they can take that giant cock of
theirs and shove it up their ass (chorus)

Oh the farm is full of jerk-offs,
their steeped in shameful bliss
They pucker up to toilets and give the bowl a kiss
They mount each other doggy style each brother with his sis
Then they all go to Hoover Town to
drink each other’s piss (chorus)

Oh Stanfurd has the money
the students always pass
It’s damn a good thing or else the
football team would have to go to class
The farm girls are so grotesque their
cum is red and white
The farm boys are all hard up
they tuck themselves all night (chorus)

I’m just a whore from Stanfurd I’ll fuck for fifty cents
I’ll lay my ass upon the grass
my pants upon the fence
I’ll lick your slimy belly,
I’ll suck your cock with glee
But get off my back you son of a bitch
if you’re from USC
(chorus)

If I had a little girl I’d dress her all in green
And send her down to Menlo
just to coach the Stanfurd team
But if I had a little boy I’d dress him all in blue
And he’d yell “To hell with Stanfurd”
like his daddy used to do (chorus)

If I had a prick of steel and balls of shining brass
I’d find a marble statue and ram it up her ass
I’d breed a race of giants who’d roam throughout the land
Just to swell the mighty chorus of the Cardinal Be Damned! (chorus)

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