Time for another Blast from the Past. This is the poem written by Senator Richard Schulman, Greatest Human Being Alive, during Spring Semester of 2001. It's a little out of date, referring to the election campaign of Cutter W and Co among other old things, but the meter and verse work is brilliant.

An Ode to Love

by Richard D. Schulman, Greatest Human Being Alive

Oh Student Action, How I love Thee
Party which does my thinking for me
If they disagree with something I do
They'll send Chris Gray to turn me to glue
What was that? A Jew?
Not in this party, not even a few.

From out of the masses of the Coalition we grew
Forming the same corrupt party machine a new
Corrupt and elitist, but students still vote
Which caused this rhyme Schulman has wrote
New signatory of the SA student group
Because Sabet was kept out of the loop

Now they run Wally for Chief,
Hope he will lose, time to turn over a new leaf
Josh has been loyal, time for his pay
Who for external, him. Fryday!
For Exec. Justin Christensen will run
With an Asian woman, their slate will be DONE!

Jenn was forced out, Evora was revenge
Gray told me what to do, making me cringe.
Stay silent, he said, and get slated for senate
Sell my soul for office? I thought, and accepted that Minute.
What better party to run with like this.
For executive office and senate, can't miss.

Time for elections and breaking of rules.
Keeping to by-laws, hah, only for fools (and the Squelch! Party)
Chalking the sidewalk for all hours of night.
Listening to what gray says is right.
Holding signs on sproul simply is dandy.
Who cares about issues when we have free candy.
If candy and smiles don't suffice,
What else for the voters? Something thats nice.
Skimpy tank tops, and breasts pushed up high
Voters hands running all over her thighs

Finally the counting of ballots to see
If gimmicks tricked people into voting for me.
It seems she won again, the singing Ms. Liu
Look who else won, my buddy Hoku.
Finally its done, the counting is over.
I have won, time to thank my four leaf clover

I'll through the summer I sat and I waited
Desires to do good grew unabated.
Senate begins and so does the bickering
I look over and see Schulman snickering.
Boy he would make a great leader.
But he's waiting a year, so dont forget about him.

I stick to my morals and vote how i please
Until that one day, Gray brings me to my knees.
EAVP - I never could see.
Run for executive office? Me!?

Time to vote in blocks
Gray has a leash around our cocks (sorry)
Never for a minute did I ever doubt.
That student service is what we're about.
Fuck that Joe Henchmen
Papas says he's a lout.
Student service, it seems, was never defined.
Exactly what students did we have in mind?
Ourselves, for it seems that we're students, by golly
Except for Cara, and Rex and Wally.

Service to ourselves, no one better at it.
To be fair, we help others too, if only a bit.
Let me end this rhyme with something you've heard of.
A song of passion and service and love
Perverted by power and winning and glory.
That caused our core to become so whorry.

I pledge alleigance to Student Action
That I will not side with any other faction.
Nor will I put any plan into traction
That offers real reform and satisfaction
We will stick together against all odds.
Behind us Sabet and Gray and their cattle prods.
To the grave I take the secrets I know.
Or out from the party, back to Theta I go.
If ever I question how I am led
A copy of Cal-FACTS will be thrown at my head.

The poem, oh how its course has run.
The real thing I have learned, though its probably no stun
Its words that speak louder than actions.
With that, this poem is Done!

Email This Post!